


TUA on Twitter

by pfieffer



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Not Beta Read, Social Media, Twitter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:36:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27314179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pfieffer/pseuds/pfieffer
Summary: A fun social media fic that ignores the end of season 2.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 96





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first social media fic. Hope you all enjoy. Comment if you want more, but as of now this will be it. Also if you want more leave my username/name suggestions please. 
> 
> Also I am sorry for the formatting

Allison Hargreeves - @allisonhargreeves ✓

Happy Halloween from my family to yours. @tuaofficial

Attached: halloweencostumes.jpg

(Luther is dressed as Frankenstein’s Monster, Diego as a black cat with only ears on a headband, Allison decked out as Athena, Klaus looks like a pirate, Five is in his Umbrella Academy uniform with a domino mask, Klaus is holding an Octopus to represent Ben who loves and hates it. He would have gone as a ghost, and Vanya is dressed as the White Violin)

→ Allison owns my heart - @allistan

Oh my god, Allison being the goddess Athena is giving off vibes

→→ true tua fan - @truetua

@allistan Forget Allison, look at Vanya. Can we say queen in white. I wonder what her costume is supposed to be?

→→→ Calling all the Monsters - @benisbest

@allistan @truetua is Klaus holding an Octopus to represent Ben, or am I reading too much into this

→→→→→ Allison owns my heart - @allistan

@benisbest No, No, I think you’re right.

→→→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

Ben is always here in our hearts @benisbest and in my case by my side. He says hi.

→→→→→→→ Calling all the Monsters - @benisbest

@theseance OMG OMG OMG

→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

You are all ignoring the elephant in the room… picture. Luther was not that huge as a kid. I’d remember.

→ One Fine Tuner - @violinlover

What about Vanya you guy. Not only is she looking fine, but she also incorporated violin into her costume.

* * *

Number Five - @theboy ✓

Apparently having a famous sister has perks. I am back. I am also now the oldest.

→ 5 - @numberfive

Holy shit. You weren’t a cosplayer on Halloween?

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Definitely not.

→ true tua fan - @truetua

This has to be a fake account. Get good press for The Academy or something.

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Oh it’s something all right.

→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

I remember when “you” disappeared. You were on milk cartons. There is no way you’re real looking like you did when you left.

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Well time travel is a crap shoot.

→→→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

But your power is spatial jumps

→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Guess you’re not as big of a fan as you think you are.

→→→→→→ true tua fan - @truetua

Oh burn, anyone could see it was a natural jump. Time and Space while not connected have enough similarities to be considered in his powers.

→→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Spoken like a person who doesn’t understand time or space. Bravo.

* * *

The Umbrella Acedmy - @tuaofficial

Accounts officially connected to the six surviving Umbrella Academy members are @spaceboy @thekraken @allisonhargreeves @theseance @theboy @vanyahargreeves

→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

Wait so Number Five is back?

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Well it’s not my fault you look like an asshole and idiot for not believing me.

→ true tua fan - @truetua

Oh my god this is like Christmas.

→Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

Wait so are we just going to not ask how Five got back? Or if Ben is a ghost?

→→ Ghost Buster - @seancestan

Ghosts are totally real, and can communicate through technology

→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

Aww, Ben is flattered you all want him to get a twitter account.

→→→→ Calling all the Monsters - @benisbest

@theseance Please let Ben get a twitter. I would die. Well not literally, but please!

→→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

Well I don’t control the guy, but I’ll see what I can do.

→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

No he just sometimes controls you.

True tua fan - @truetua

Five is savage, and mean. Was he always an asshole? @spaceboy @thekraken @allisonhargreeves @theseance @vanyahargreeves

→ Luther - @spaceboy ✓

Yes.

→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Always

→ Allison Hargreeves - @allisonhargreeves ✓

Well yes, but also no. He’s Five.

→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

He’s gotten meaner with age. Don’t let the thirteen year old body fool you.

→ Ben H is for Haunted - @thehorror

Yes, but he also has favorites so I only saw him like that from afar, still do.

→→ Calling all the Monsters - @benisbest

OMG IS THIS YOU! But also you got jokes. Didn’t know you had it in you.

→→→ Ben H is for Haunted - @thehorror

It’s a death thing. And yes it is me.

→→→→ Rememer When - @originaltuafan

Yeah its crazy hilarious, but also weird. The interviews from when you were kids made you seem quiet.

→→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

He is anything but.

→→→→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

The innocence was for the press

→→→→→→→ Ben H is for Haunted - @thehorror

And I didn’t like my powers.

→→→→→→→→ Diego H - @theKraken ✓

That too

→ Vanya Hargreeves - @vanyahargreeves

Well if you read my book you know my opinions. But, yes.

→→ Number Five - @theboy

Still your sole confidant, and my favorite sibling.

→ true tua fan - @truetua

Holy crap those responses. And Ben has an account! Also #fivesanasshole

→→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

I always thought Five looked a bit like a smug little asshole #fivesanasshole

→→→Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

Yeah even some of his interactions here are a bit mean. Why do you think they put up with it? #fivesanasshole

→→→→ true tua fan - @truetua

I guess cause its family? Pretty crappy family though. #fivesanasshoe

→→→→→ Blame Reginald - @reginaldwasabusive

I think we all know who to Blame here. #reginaldsanasshole

→→→→→→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

@reginaldwasabusive Five?

→→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

You are almost as stupid as my siblings But no. I believe you should look at who you’re replying to next time before typing.

* * *

Number Five - @theboy ✓

It has come to my attention that I may seem mean to my siblings. They deserve it.

→ Allison Hargreeves - @alllisonhargreeves ✓

Five that does not address anything

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

wasn’t aware it was supposed to.

→→→ Allison Hargreeves - @allisonhargreeves ✓

You are supposed to fixing your public image in light of you coming back.

→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

First you don’t want me to act 58, now that I’m acting 13 you don’t want that either. Go die in a hole Allison.

→→→→→ Luther - @spaceboy ✓

Apologize.

→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

No. What are you gonna do about it? Throw me down a flight stairs again?

Diego H - @thekraken ✓

I can see why Five calls all of useless. Since no one is explaining stuff I will. A thread (1/?)

→ true tua fan - @truetua

Finally some clarity.

→ Gossip USA - @gossipusa ✓

Finally something for a good article.

→ Diego H – @thekraken ✓

This is about to get real wild, but its @tuaofficial what can you expect. (2/?)

→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

If you read Vanya’s shitty book, then you know that Five ran away at 13 and we didn’t see him ever again, until recently and he looked like he did when he ran away. (3/?)

→→ Vanya Hargreeves - @vanyahargreeves ✓

I’m sorry about the book alright.

→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

I know, I’m still mad about it, but not at you.

→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

When he came back he proceeded to make a stupid sandwich and tell us jack all about where he went. Then he called me an idiot for not understanding all his science bullshit. (4/?)

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

You’d understand if you were smarter. And I did tell you. I told you I went to the future and it was shit.

→→→ Ghost Buster - @seancestan

Called it.

→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

I said the same thing.

→→→→→ Ghost Buster - @seancestan

OMG SFSIDSMKLFS

→→→→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

SFSIDSMKLFS to you too :)

→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Fuck off Five

→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Make me.

→→→→→ Diego H - @thekraken✓

Fine I will

→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Well you’ll try and ultimately fail, and since I’m feeling nice your broken fingers won’t be shoved so far up your ass then end up in your esophagus.

→→→→→→→ true tua fan - @truetua

I don’t know if I should be alarmed, or I should laugh

→→→→→→→→ Ben H is for Haunted - @thehorror

Both, both is good.

→→→→→→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

Our little pshyco. Said with love.

→→→→→→→→→→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

See I told you all five was an asshole

→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Anyways he apparently went to the apocalypse and we now had to stop it. Conveniently forgetting he had assassins after him, and was one himself. (5/?)

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

It was irrelevant

→→→ Luther - @spaceboy ✓

Not really

→→→→Number Five - @theboy ✓

Then maybe you should have listened to me.

→→→→→ Luther - @spaceboy ✓

I’m the leader.

→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Are you, Number One?

→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

So we saved the world it didn’t end on April Fool’s day, and Five decided that we all needed to gallivant around the 1960s. (6/?)

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

All of you assholes agreed, I even warned you I couldn’t control it.

→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Still your fault.

→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

I know.

→→→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Fuck… Five where’d you go?

→→→→→→ Allison Hargreeves - @allisonhargreeves ✓

Smooth move, Diego.

→→→→→→Vanya Hargreeves - @vanyhahargreeves ✓

I’ll go look for him.

→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

We stopped another apocalypse, I couldn’t stop the Kennedy Assassination. We found out there are more powered kids like us. And now we are back. Thanks to Five. (7/7)

→→Klaus - @theseance ✓

I cannot believe you left out the lovely Delores.

→→→Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Because she was a weird half mannequin that Five carried around and talked to.

→→→→Luther - @spaceboy ✓

Maybe you shouldn’t say that.

→→→→→Allison Hargreeves - @allisonhargreeves ✓

That’s a low blow even for you Diego. You know how much she meant to him.

→→→→ Ben H is for Haunted - @thehorror

He says she was around in the apocalypse and they were married for 30 years. I think she was more than that.

true tua fan - @truetua

So that’s a lot to unpack from diego.

→Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

Diego? Can we talk about the bombshell from Klaus with this Delores news? #whosdelores?

The Umbrella Acedmy - @tuaofficial ✓

In response to Master Diego’s story, here is the official statement from the Umbrella Academy.

Attached: officialstatement.jpg

The statement reads: Number Five, or Five as he is commonly known, did in fact run away and he did time travel to the Apocalypse. He spent 45 years there, before he was picked up by an agency that deals in matters of the timeline. Five returned after the death of Sir Reginald Hargreeves with the news of the end of the world. Through the heroic acts of all seven Umbrella Academy members the world was saved twice.

When it comes to the physical appearance of Number Five, according to him he got the math wrong and “botched” the jump from where he was currently to the present day. Five looks like he is the age of 13, but is in fact 58. He is the same boy that ran away. The Halloween costume he wore is an accurate representation of the uniforms from the Academy. They were worn in public before the students go mission suits. Five never got to wear his.

The Family’s relationships to each other are complicated, but do keep in mind that they are normal people, who have normal lives, and act like normal siblings. We at the Academy simply ask you respect them and their privacy, and appreciate what they give to you.

→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

So we’re glazing over the fact Five is apparently an assassin?

→→true tua fan - @truetua

That is what you are focused on, how about the fact that Five disappeared again because of Diego’s story?

→→→The Umbrella Academy - @tuaofficial

Master Five, is fine and back at home. We doubt he will be time traveling like he did many years ago again. But he does have a habit of Blinking away.

Gossip USA - @gossipusa ✓

Five’s powers are called Blinks, and Five and Diego hate each other? Click the Link for more Umbrella Academy news. http://gossipusa.rumor/thetruthoffive

* * *

Number Five - @theboy ✓

Ask your questions now about the shit show my brother caused.

→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

Are you really an assassin

→→Number Five - @theboy ✓

The best in the space time continuum

→→→Remember When - @originaltuafan

Couldn’t even be humble here

→→→→Number Five - @theboy ✓

It’s simply the truth

→→→→→Remember When - @orginaltuafan

LOL, lies.

→→→→→→true tua fan - @truetua

No, no, I believe him.

→→→→→→→Hazel - @bluebear

As you should

→→→→→→→ Calling all the Monsters - @benisbest

Yeah that threat for Diego was oddly gruesome and specific for it not to be true.

→ Ghost Buster - @seancestan

Who is Delores?

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

She was my wife, and yes she was a mannequin. Your options are limited in the apocalypse. She was a modicum of communication for me. A way to talk when no one else was around.

→→→ Ghost Buster - @seancestan

That is sad. Are you two still you know?

→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

No. And before you ask, I am well aware she was not real, and our marriage was not either. I am not explaining my choices in that matter any further.

→→→→→ Trollin’ in the deep – @tuawho

Go see a therapist dude

→→→ Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

Bless you @seancestan

→ true tua fan - @truetua

Where did you go when you got upset?

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Irrelevant. The fact is I’m back now.

→ One fine tuner - @violinlover

Is Vanya really your favorite sibling?

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Yes, followed by Ben

→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

Why did you call Luther, Number One?

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Because he was acting like a self-absorbed prick.

→→→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

Do you call all your siblings by their numbers?

→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

I have always used the names they chose for themselves. I only use their numbers in specific instances and its almost always Diego and Luther that get the treatment.

→ click to read more tweets

* * *

Allison Hargreeves - @allisonhargreeves

Five got a puppy, welcome to the family Mr. Pennycrumb!

Attachement: pennycrumb.jpg

(attached is a photo of Five holding a puppy looking uncharacteristically soft as it licks his face)

→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

So he can look normal

→ true tua fan - @truetua

This is so wholesome, you wouldn’t think he’s a murderer

→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

I remember when he used to let me get that close to him.

→→ Ghost Buster - @seancestan

He let you get close?

→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

He was more open to touch when he was actually thirteen. Mind you he begrudgingly accepted it, and you had to do it carefully. But yeah.

→→→→ Ghost Buster - @seancestan

Proof?

→→→→→ Grace - @grace ✓

Of course dear.

Attachment: bankrobbery.jpg

(attached is a photo from the Umbrella Academy’s inaugural mission. Five is pictured between Klaus and Ben looking to Ben while Klaus’ arm is on Five. He looks smug as ever)

→→→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

Danke, mom.

→→→→→→→ true tua fan - @truetua

Oh do not think we don’t want an explanation for this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luther doesn't know how to use twitter that well. Five is airing out all the dirty laundry and it backfires, also no one is brave enough to interrupt a Five twitter thread. Ben gets verified!

Mom of the Year - @kennysmom

That Number Five has always been a bit prickly.

→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

Go on.

→→ Mom of the Year - @kennysmom

Oh well, quite a few years ago there was a bank robbery, and he said some dirty words while avoiding being shot.

→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

I remember that. He was so proud of his stapler.

* * *

true tua fan - @truetua

We need to talk about @grace tho

→ Grace - @grace ✓

I am the mother of the seven children of the Umbrella Academy, dear.

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

She’s our robot mother.

→→ true tua fan - @truetua

Wait she’s a robot?

→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

She is more than that. She has evolved.

→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Wish we could say the same for you.

→→→→→ Grace - @grace ✓

Be nice boys.

→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

I always am mother :D

→→→→→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

I can see your creepy ass monkey grin through the screen.

→→→→→→→→ true tua fan - @truetua

Are we going to have to guess what that is, or are you going to tell us.

→→→→→→→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Next time you want nightmares just ask Five to smile for you.

→→→→→→→→→→ Vanya Hargreeves - @vanyahargreeves ✓

Five has a normal smile, he just doesn’t do it very often.

→→→→→→→→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

You’ve seen an actual true Five smile? The rarest thing on the planet.

→→→→→→→→→→→→Vanya Hargreeves - @vanyahargreeves ✓

Well yeah, I mean we all have. Did you not see him in the car on the way to the farm back in the 60s?

→→→→→→→→→→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

I can’t believe I missed it. @theboy you’re gonna have to do it again.

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

I would rather admit Diego doesn’t have a leather kink before I do that.

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Fuck you @theboy I do not.

Diego is #1 - @numerouno

So a leather kink, I can get into that.

→ Bentai - @bentacles

Five is really out here airing the family’s dirty laundry. What do you think he will reveal next?

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Luther and I are fraternal twins.

→→→ Luther - @spaceboy ✓

FIVE!

→→→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

Excuse me what? Not possible.

→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Our pre-altered DNA says otherwise.

→→→ Ghost Buster - @seancestan

Damn I was thinking if anyone was related it’d be Five and Klaus

→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

We are only related via adoption. But we are brothers at heart aren’t we Fivey.

→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Unfortunately.

→→→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

You love me tho

→→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Jury’s still out.

→→→→→→→→ Ghost Buster - @seancestan

Do you not love your family?

→→→→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Say that again, and I will track you down, then hang you using your tongue as a noose.

→→→ true tua fan - @truetua

But like how? Luther is Luther, and Five is Five

→→→→ 5 - @numberfive

Fraternal twins don’t have to look alike. Technically they are closer to siblings than twins because two separate eggs were fertilized instead of one.

→→→→→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

I cannot believe you RP as a real person

→→→→→→ 5 - @numberfive

This is not an RP account. Just a fan account. And it’s not my fault I actually understand genetics.

→→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Someone in this world actually has a brain. Don’t ruin it.

5 - @numberfive

Holy shit Five just followed me.

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

And you are this close to ruining it.

→→ 5 - @numberfive

Shit sorry.

Gossip USA - @gossipusa ✓

More @tuaofficial secrets announced. Five’s puppy, and twin brother announced. Click for more.

The Umbrella Academy - @tuaofficial ✓

Five has revealed that he and Luther are twins. We are confirming this as true. While it is preferable to announce it here first. Five has always jumped the gun.

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Pogo you dirty bastard, I thought we were friends.

→→ The Umbrella Academy - @tuaofficial ✓

Language Master Five. And I am simply stating the facts that I know.

→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Yeah you were the one that ran away at breakfast because you were “ready” for time travel

→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

And technically I wasn’t wrong.

→→→→→ Ben H is for Haunted - @thehorror

Still got stuck though

→→ true tua fan - @truetua

Wait who is Pogo? #whoispogo

Gossip USA - @gossipusa ✓

Five people who Pogo could be, and Five he could not. Click for more. #whoispogo

→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

What a crap article. Clearly Pogo is a babysitter.

→→ Allison Hargreeves - @allisonhargreeves ✓

Well you are technically not wrong.

Bentai - @bentacles

Its official Pogo is their babysitter #whoispogo

→ Calling all the Monsters - @benisbest

Who would have thought that seven adults need a baby sitter?

→→ Trollin’ in the deep - @tuawho

Five adults, one kid, and one friendly neighborhood Ben.

→→→ 5 - @numberfive

Five isn’t a kid. He’s an adult.

→→→→ Trollin’ in the deep - @tuawho

Say that to his appearance

→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Say it to my face, Steven.

→→→→→→ Trollin in the deep - @tuawho

How did you know my name?

→→→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

I have my ways :D

Ghost Buster - @seancestan

I don’t think Pogo is the babysitter #whoispogo

5 - @numberfive

We all want to know. #whoispogo

The Moon - @appleoflutherseye

For real though. #whoispogo

Diego is #1 - @numerouno

Watch him be their gardener or something #whoispogo

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Luther actually has the green thumb. Pogo is our monkey butler.

true tua fan - @true tua

The mystery of #whoispogo is solved. All thanks to our hero @theboy

* * *

Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

So is no one going to talk about Five saying his and Luther’s DNA was altered? Like WTF?!

→ true tua fan - @truefan

Oh well now I am. What do you think he meant.

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Luther’s overcoat is not for warmth.

→ true tua fan - @truefan

@theboy WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? A;sdkjfsldk

→ Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

Okay so we know both of their DNA has been altered, and Luther’s is more visible.

→→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

More visible? Five looks 13.

→→→ 5 - @numberfive

Did none of y’all read Five’s QnA. He said his body was a time travel mishap. Not a DNA thing.

→→→→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

Is he sure?

→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

He’s sure.

→ Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

So Five’s body is not a result of DNA alteration. But Luther’s is. What if their DNA was altered at different times?

→→ Bentai - @bentacles

Is it just the two of them that have altered DNA?

→→→ Luther - @spaceboy ✓

Five’s DNA isn’t altered.

→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Listen to me Luther. I was there when it happened, awake for it all. My DNA was altered.

→ Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

So it’s not well known in the family that Five’s DNA was altered.

→→ Luther - @spaceboy ✓

When did it happen, Five?!

→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

This isn’t a conversation for a public forum, big guy.

→→→→ Luther - @spaceboy ✓

FIVE!

→ Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

Five was awake during the process, what the hell? And what did Luther go through to alter his body?

→→ 5 - @numberfive

Do you think Five’s has to deal with that assassin thing he once mentioned?

→→→ Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

Oh that is totally plausible.

→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Five did the Commission do that?

→→ The Moon - @theappleoflutherseye

Luther’s happened before his stay on the moon. And after his last public mission.

→→→ Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

How do you know this?

→→→→ The Moon - @theappleoflutherseye

I’ve been following him and his career for years. He was always my favorite. I only have love for @spaceboy

→→→→→ Luther - @spaceboy ✓

Thank you @theappleoflutherseye For clarification you are correct. My DNA was altered without consent as a measure to save my life from my dad.

→→→→→→ Blame Reginald - @reginaldwasabusive

Fuck Reginald. Like I’m glad you’re alive but fuck your dad dude.

→→→→→→ The Moon - @theappleoflutherseye

Luther, that is awful. But I am glad you’re still here.

→→→→→→→ Luther - @spaceboy ✓

@reginaldwasabusive @theappleoflutherseye Thank you both.

Gossip USA - @gossipusa ✓

More info on Pogo the monkey, and Luther and Five’s strange medical procedures. Click for more

The Umbrella Academy - @tuaofficial ✓

We appreciate your kind words for Luther, and for Five. Unfortunately, Five has refused to give any details as to what happened to him. He appreciates your sentiments either way.

Number Five - @theboy ✓

Since no one will leave me the fuck alone. (1/?)

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

After being stuck in the apocalypse before my family prevented it I was recruited by the Commission. (2/?)

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

The Commission is an agency that keeps the timeline intact, they are mostly defunct now, just helping with major events. Thanks to me. (3/?)

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

A woman named the Handler and her boss scouted me out when I was in my 50s. They liked my power. (4/?)

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

They promised to help my body heal from the effects of the apocalypse through a surgery. (5/?)

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

During this surgery they did more than fix my body. The took my organs out and infused my DNA with that of every serial killer known and unknown. They made me a killer. (6/?)

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

It was not consensual. I would have never agreed had I known. And yes I was awake. Medicine does not affect me like it does a normal person. It was painless. (7/?)

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

I was supposed to be their perfect agent. Shows they knew fuck all. I cared more about my family than them, and I have an authority problem. They should have done research. (8/8)

Truth Sleuth - @truecrimestan

The fuck. #justiceforfive @justiceforluther

→bentai - @bentacles

I feel bad for asking now.

→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Don’t. I was referring to my insufferable family not leaving me the fuck alone.

→→→ Calling all the Monsters - @benisbest

But you just said you loved them?

→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

You’re point?

* * *

Ben H is for Haunted - @thehorror

I know I’m a ghost, but can I get verified now?

→Ghost Buster - @seancestan

Don’t worry @thehorror we’ll get you verified. #verifyben

→Calling all the Monsters - @benisbest

#verifyben @thehorror deserves it

→Bentai - @benticles

Yo @twitter #verifyben now please. @thehorror

Allison Hargreeves - @allisonhargreeves ✓

Who all is on the #verifyben train? We love you Ben @thehorror

→ Ben H is for Haunted - @thehorror

Love you too @allisonhargreeves

Luther - @spaceboy ✓

What do you mean @thehorror and @thekraken were behind “Luther sniffs dad’s underwear” @theboy? #verifyben

→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

@theboy you will be dead by nightfall. Also #verifyben

Ben H is for Haunted - @thehorror ✓

Look at that checkmark. Thanks TUA Fans and @allisonhargreeves

true tua fan - @truetua

So is @theboy actually dead?

→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

No, but Diego has a new pocket.

→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Fucker you stabbed me. With my own knife!

→→→ Remember When - @originaltuafan

Aren’t knives like your thing.

→→→Number Five - @theboy ✓

Maybe you should start with threats you can follow through on. That’s 0 for 2 now.

→→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

You are so much like dad

→→→→→ Number Five - @theboy ✓

Fuck you Diego. Hope you don’t mind another stab wound.

→→→→→→ Allison Hargreeves - @allisonhargreeves ✓

@thekraken You really don’t know when to stop do you?

→→→→→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Sorry Allison.

→→→→→→→→ Allison Hargreeves - @allisonhargreeves ✓

I am not the one you need to apologize to.

→→→→→→→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Where is he?

→→→→→→→→→→ Klaus - @theseance ✓

His room.

→→→→→→→→→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

How do you know that?

→→→→→→→→→→→→ Ben H is for Haunted - @thehorror ✓

Me! You may want to give him a bit though. He was still pretty angry.

→→→→→→→→→→→→→ Diego H - @thekraken ✓

Yeah yeah, I can handle the little gremlin.

Diego H - @thekraken ✓

The fucker stabbed me again. But we are good we talked it out. Just to update all you nosy people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you want more. If you have ideas for more things, or ideas for usernames. Thanks for all the feedback on chapter 1.


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